IT'S A BEN SHERMAN!

BENNY LAVA

"MY SOLOS ARE MY TRADEMARK"

PAUL GILBERT

METAL BY NUMBERS

Onion News:
Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff
To Be Retrieved From Secret Vault
To Save Rock And Roll

Art by Felix.

Onion News:
ACTIVISION Reports Sluggish Sales For "Sousaphone Hero"

SONG IN D MINOR

YNGWIE IS GOD

The Wonder Twins, by Felix.

Onion News:
No One Admits To Singing, Writing
or Producing Nation's Number 1 Song

Onion Radio News:
LUCILLE CALLS POLICE ON B.B. KING

Onion Radio News:
TOUR BUS LEAVES WITH WRONG PASSED-OUT DRUMMER

FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE

Michael Wilton of QUEENSRYCHE
wears BEN SHERMAN:

SCREEN CLEANER